When people strive to be Spiritual by the flesh, they enter into comparing and competing, and sin is always the result. But the problem is more than just trying to prove favoritism with God to others. It begins with that, but it leads to murders: spiritually, emotionally, socially and sometimes physically! It's very evil. It's religious and self-righteous and often controlling.
It destroys the fellowship that God wants His people to have in sincerety and truth, which completely delights the enemy because it destroys agreement and faith.
Many churches and people are infected with this disease and are deceived in thinking they are righteous when in fact they very much are not. God says of it in Isaiah 65:
It's frightening because we often don't have to look too far to see it! It all comes down to attitude of the heart.
The other side to the same coin, and just as evil, are those who say, "It doesn't matter what I do, if you are a Christian, you have to love and accept me anyway that I am, even if I [willfully] sin!" Some call that "greasy grace." It too, is an abomination.
But "greasy grace" is easier to spot than phoney kindness. Phoney kindness is much more subtle, even in our own hearts!
It comes down to a faulty teaching on what forgiveness is. Jesus said judgment was coming for unforgiveness. "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, FROM HIS HEART, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." (Matt 18:35)
I think we all have experienced times when we knew that people were exasperated with us and we knew they were holding their countenance in spite of it, especially with teachers or parents. Sometimes we were learning and sometimes we were rebelling. But that is different than those who are "nice on the outside" yet inwardly are planning and wishing and praying for the destruction of others spiritually.
They will say that they are holding their countenance for your good but really they are not. They are really just buying their time in order to wait for the opportunity to plan an attack. They will even twist the Scriptures in Romans 12:20 where it says, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Many will "bless their enemies" with the INTENT to see them harmed or killed! They really, in their hearts, do not want to see their problems OR enemies blessed by God, but seek their own revenge. This is not the Spirit of the Father! It is a root of bitterness in them.
What's sadly interesting about the devil is that he will accuse you of what he is guilty of! He does this to shift the focus off of his works onto yours, thereby distracting you, because a Godly heart will be quick to search their hearts and seek repentance if they have missed it. Then the enemy will throw a side target to get your focus off of the real problem.
I call this the "mirror effect." When we look into Jesus we get a mirror effect. He is dazzling, brilliant, beautiful and pure and clear and when we look into Him, we see a reflection of who we are because of His clarity, like looking into a mirror.
That is why the closer we get to Him, the more undone we can feel because we see ourselves better than we did with our imperfections and need of Him. When we are seeking a closer walk, this is a good thing because He is exposing issues for us to deal with so that we can indeed get closer to Him and change for the better! That is a blessing!
But we are in the world and among carnal natures still and when the enemy looks at the Jesus mirror in you, he will see himself and respond! If the enemy is lying or accusing or condemning, he will accuse you of those acts when in fact you are trying to resist them! Why? Because that is what he sees when he looks at you. He sees himself and wants to quickly shift the guilt and blame.
If you are working at being sensitive to things in order to get right with God and remove the darkness, you will immediately look into your own soul to "see if there is any [of that] wicked way in me." (Psalm 139:24)
It's in this place that sometimes you will change your associations. If you are with people who also want to change for the better, you will see and expose things in each other but choose to change to go on in God. You will forgive and bless and go on in your lives. This is the purpose of the local church and fellowship gatherings.
But sometimes you are with people and realize that you want change, and so you will begin seeking God, and His Spirit will begin to cleanse you and suddenly you become a brighter reflection of His glory. Then those around you will begin to see themselves and not like what they see. If they don't want to change, they will accuse you and talk bad about you. You will then have to make the decision what you want to do in response to that.
When one changes for obedience, blessings follow. Sometimes others are affected for good and sometimes not.
But the enemy is quick, and he will quickly come to tell you how much better you are than that other person! "YOU [comparing] have the blessing, because you got it right [self righteousness], and now you have the power [competing], (he will lie to you) to destroy your enemies," the very ones who need to be won to the better ways of God!
Do you see how subtle this is? Therefore you are in the worse sin because you want to destroy your brothers! Before you were in agreement for each other's good!
Now God and man are angry with you and you wonder why! You find yourself in the pit when "I just wanted to get it right!!!" It was a matter of the heart.
Change involves a lot of self work. People get discouraged when it doesn't happen as fast and in the certain ways that they want it. But the focus then has turned on the self rather than on the desire to please God. WE see a focus, a power, an opportunity and it looks good! So it "must" be right, we reason; we have it all figured out! Then we get angry with God when it doesn't go the way we wanted it to.
Rather than waiting to let God work it out and learn more of His ways, we sulk and pout and plot and plan to our hurt, and this often can affect others.
This is why the Spiritual gifts are so important. It is at this time that we need the gifts of encouragement, eldership stability (those who are mature in the Lord and can stand), kindness, longsuffering, proper administrations, faith, good teachings, and mercies. If the Body members do not do their parts, the whole Body suffers loss!
It is not kind or of God to act nice when you are really quite offended. First it's very wise to take it to God first in prayer. Often He can show you if YOU are the one who is missing it!
But if you believe that you are not, then you need to approach your brother or sister and share what is on your heart. It's not always wise to say, "I really hated you when you did this." That is not wise confession. Nor is it humble. Nor is it when you harbor it in your heart!
But rather in humility, do your best to say, "I was really offended when this happened. Did I not understand something here?" The person may be right or wrong or just doing the best they knew how with what they had to work with.
A spirit of meekness and grace will often lead to healing. If they do not repond positively, do not forget the God factor of prayer! He will lead you in the way that you should go! He will enable you to resist the enemy who will then have to flee.
But no matter what, your prayer must be that the other person see Jesus in all His love and mercy and blessings for their life. Then you will be sons of the Father who has mercy on the good and evil alike, in hopes of their repentance toward Him and His ways of lovingkindness. Remember He is the One who is building the Body, not us!
When people have harmed me and many have in the Name of the Lord, even ministers, I wish them Jesus. Because I know if they knew Jesus the way I did, they would not want to be against me because I was not against them!
They may see their own reflection and hate me further, but that is not my fault. They may want to hold something against me that I have already taken to the Lord and asked His forgiveness for. Sometimes others hold faults and grudges and you have no idea what for! (You may have even missed it, but that is why we are told to go to the offended brother.)
But you do know what is in your heart for that other person. If they do not come to you with that offense, then you can't really rectify it. You can ask, but you may not always get a quality response!
But you can pray FROM THE HEART love for your enemies and desire the love of God for them. Then the purifying coals of fire will touch their lives and soon they will see the same Jesus [Spirit of Love] that you do! Then we can work TOGETHER as a One Body in answer to Jesus' prayer in John 17 that we might be one as He and the Father are one.
Otherwise we become self righteous and defeat ourselves by inviting the wrath of God. Romans 12 says:
God bless you.